Self-Care

The End of Year Life-Audit

Well, we did it. We have managed to make it through one of the strangest and possibly most challenging years we have yet to face as a collective humanity. As we approach the final days of 2020, we are met with the opportunity to reflect and discern on how to best move forward into the New Year.

This can feel like a nostalgic time of year that brings awareness to what has worked well, while getting honest about what hasn’t worked out so well. By reflecting over the most important and basic areas of our lives, we can regain the clarity necessary to create a do-able action plan for the coming season.

We’re calling this exercise The End of Year Life-Audit.

This may seem like a big task, so we’ve broken down the Life-Audit into three basic categories: body, mind, and spirit. Let’s begin.

Life-Audit: Body

Fitness and health goals typically sit at the top of people’s New Year’s resolutions list. The first week of January infamously sees the steepest spike in gym memberships out of the entire year, yet within a few weeks those same people drop off from having lost their original momentum. This is an example of what happens when we do what we think we’re “supposed” to do, versus finding outlets of moving the body in a way most aligned with who we are as people. There is no one-size fits all solution to the health of the body.

In a culture that idolizes very specific body types, diets, superfoods, and fitness trends, it can feel hard to relate with mainstream perceptions of health. This is why the real work is in discovering what health means for our individual body. And then, honor our choice through a lens of support instead of comparison. Caring for our body from the inside out is an act of kindness to ourselves.  It isn’t about pursuing perfection or maintaining ideals.  Rather, it’s the ongoing pursuit of balance.

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Body Audit

  • How did I care for, and treat, my body with respect this year?
  • How have I neglected or overlooked the well-being of my body?
  • Are my eating habits nourishing me or depleting me?
  • What’s the distance between how I want to physically feel versus how I realistically feel in my body today?
  • What is one simple change I can commit to in support of my physical body?

Life-Audit: Mind

The mind governs our mental and emotional happenings. It steers the way we experience the world, and how we process thoughts. In consideration of the pandemic and other happenings this year, mental and emotional health has felt unsteady for many. Our self-awareness and ability to maneuver through challenges relies on the fineness of the mind, and so it’s important to consider how we are engaging with the information available to us. There’s an excess of stimulation these days as we anticipate news headlines and adapt as everything switches online. Perhaps you or a loved one has been feeling mentally fatigued– it’s time to get curious about how our habits contribute to this.

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Mind Audit

  • How much time do I spend behind the screen?
  • When was the last time I learned a new skill or picked up a hobby?
  • Are my most consistent activities helping me grow, or feel stuck?
  • When was the last time I had a compelling conversation?
  • What’s one way I can invite higher quality stimulation to my mind & life?

Life-Audit: Spirit

The category of spirit can seem abstract, but it’s simply speaking to the state of our joy and the depth of our love. Our spirit feels alive through laughter, through growing relationships, and in connecting with Mother Nature herself. These are experiential qualities that allow us to feel connected to something outside of ourselves. When spirit is active and felt within us we have access to our creativity, inner steadiness, and our own depth. These are the building blocks for feelings of wholeness and long-lasting success.

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Spirit Audit

  • Do my relationships (family, friends, community) feel satisfying?
  • When was the last time I went into nature alone?
  • What kinds of thoughts do I have first thing upon waking up, and before bed?
  • What is one thing I wish I could do but feel nervous about?
  • 3 things I am grateful for and why?

We hope The End of Year Life-Audit offers you some fresh perspective and motivation moving forward into the New Year. Remember, it’s never too late to turn things around or support yourself and those around you in a sustainable caring way.

By Melissa Aparicio, contributing author

We invite you to discover inspiring and effective ways to care for yourself and to serve others.  Now more than ever, caring is what we all need most. Caring for our self.  Caring for others around us.  Life now demands caring, resilience and compassion like never before.  So, become a Custodian of the Caring Movement and help create the world we need right now, the world we want for our future generations.

UCA resources available to help include the Turbulent Times Resources Center,  radio show, publications and online store offering members huge discounts and always free shipping.

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In the Privacy of Your Own Mind

When people consider what it means to live a healthy lifestyle, physical aspects such as diet and exercise are usually the first to be mentioned. Though these aspects are unquestionably essential, they fail to acknowledge the role that the mind plays in our overall health. So, how do you speak to yourself in the privacy of your own mind?  We ask because it’s important to recognize that the body and mind are intricately connected and fundamental to our well-being.

Exercising Our Minds

While there exists plenty of emphasis to workout the body, there seems to be a lack of awareness around working out the mind. In the same way that we get to exercise and move our bodies to become stronger, we also get to exercise our minds in order to have supportive thoughts that lift us up rather than drag us down.

For too many, it’s become second nature to unknowingly perpetuate a self-destructive inner dialogue. Meaning that it’s ‘normal’ for people to talk down on themselves, call themselves names, or be hyper-critical of their own interactions and self-image. Just think of how often we look in the mirror and immediately begin scanning for flaws without a single kind thought to follow.

It’s rightfully said that the relationship we have with ourselves is the most significant relationship we will ever have in this lifetime. So why then do we have a tendency to feed habitual thought patterns that are simply not helpful or caring?

The Quality of Our Private Thoughts

In order for us to be serious about supporting our health, we have to begin getting serious about examining the quality of our thoughts. This is because the thoughts that pass through the mind, pass through the body in the form of biological responses. Clinical research continues to show us how thoughts directly affect our immune systems, chemical messengers, hormones, blood pressure, weight, and numerous relating functions. 

Negative, positive, and neutral thoughts each trigger specific biochemical reactions in the body.

For example, stressed or worrisome thoughts trigger a surge in cortisol and adrenaline. These are stress hormones that essentially prepare the body for danger. This is helpful when one is in actual danger, yet detrimental if the danger is only living within the confines of the mind.

Of course it’s natural to have a combination of different types of thoughts–negative, positive, neutral– but it’s important to not linger too long on the negative spectrum if wishing to support the health of the whole body.

This all being said, thoughts and activities of the mind are not benign.

It’s Time for a Mind Check-Up

When was the last time you took a moment to check-in with the happenings of your mind? What narratives or stories are on repeat?  Is your inner voice working in your favor, or not?

Asking ourselves these questions is useful because the thoughts that we have today are literally the building blocks of our tomorrow. Our most visited thoughts become embedded in our belief systems and what we believe will either limit or expand our life’s potential.

By creating awareness around how our inner dialogue is behaving, we can better monitor and steer the direction of our thoughts.  That helps to exponentially improve the quality of our experience day to day. 

by Melissa Aparicio, contributing author

We are all working our way through a changed world as a result of the coronavirus pandemic. We may no longer be quarantined or under stay-at-home orders, but everyone is stretched to adapt like never before.  All of us are in this together. Now more than ever, caring is what we need most. Caring for our self. Caring for others around us in our communities. Life now demands caring, resilience and compassion like never before. This is a great opportunity to create the world we want for our future generations. We invite you to join us in creating a caring movement!

Would you like to read more about UCA caring resources and products? We have other blogs on Unified Caring Association and our products, caring in our communities, and caring the UCA way!

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Getting Better at What We Care About

getting better care about

Getting-Better-at-What-We-Care-About

There are many things as aspects of our lives that we care about: caring for our family, our performance at work, or even our physical fitness and health. But we can often find ourselves with little desire or in a struggle to improve. There are many ways we can strive to be better at what we care about. One of the best ways to begin a self-care or self-improvement journey is with mind, then follow with action.

Growth Mindset

Growth mindset is an idea where a person can adopt a practice where their most basic abilities can be continually developed through dedication and hard work. Brains and talents are just a starting point, continually learning and growing is the ‘maintenance’ so to speak. This perspective often fosters resilience and a love of learning which can lead to success. This means that the brain is always growing, building new neural pathways, more resilient, as well as getting stronger.

A Tale of Two Zones… 

In his TedTalk Eduardo Briceño breaks down how to get better at what we care about. He begins talking about two zones that we must go through to get better at one or more skills. The first phase, the learning zone is the desire for improvement and is where the growth mindset lies. To do this “… we do activities designed for improvement, concentrating on what we haven’t mastered yet, which means we have to expect to make mistakes, knowing that we will learn from them.” (https://www.ted.com/talks/eduardo_briceno_how_to_get_better_at_the_things_you_care_about)This is in contrast to the second zone called the performance zone. The performance zone is where we execute our task, exercise our skills, “…do something as best as we can…[and] concentrate on what we have already mastered and we try to minimize mistakes.” (https://www.ted.com/talks/eduardo_briceno_how_to_get_better_at_the_things_you_care_about) Briceño mentions that often those who are perceived as highly effect and successful deliberately set the intention to alternate between these two zones. The goal for getting better at what we care about is to be clear about what we want in each of these two zones: learning and growth followed by the maximum benefit and success during implementation. Rinse and repeat.

Seems simple, right? The struggle is that many of us don’t improve even if we work really hard. According to Briceño this is because most societies have the mindset that we must stay in the ‘performance zone.” We can see this in many companies where results are the way to be successful, or in classrooms where getting the ‘A’ or ‘100%’ is all that seems to matter. We seem to be missing the learning and experience of failure that makes it possible to get better at what we care about; “…this hinders our growth, and ironically, over the long term, also our performance.” (https://www.ted.com/talks/eduardo_briceno_how_to_get_better_at_the_things_you_care_about) The learning zone consists of what “…Dr. Anders Ericsson calls deliberate practice. This involves breaking down abilities into component skills, being clear about what subskill we’re working to improve, …giving full concentration to a high level of challenge outside our comfort zone, just beyond what we can currently do, using frequent feedback with repetition and adjustments, and ideally engaging the guidance of a skilled coach, because activities designed for improvement are domain-specific, and great teachers and coaches know what those activities are and can also give us expert feedback. It is this type of practice in the learning zone which leads to substantial improvement, not just time on task performing.” (https://www.ted.com/talks/eduardo_briceno_how_to_get_better_at_the_things_you_care_about)

Often we see a trend of our abilities plateauing during our first five years of an activity. This happens when we think and feel we have become ‘good enough’ and stop spending time in the first zone — the learning zone. We move on to the second zone — the performance zone — where we often remain. While in this second zone we are just doing to get things done as best as we can. If we are practicing mindfulness and taking notes (literally or mentally) we can then go back to the first zone and work on learning and strengthening in the areas that did not work out as well as we had hoped during the performance zone.

To set ourselves up for success we need to do four things according to Briceño: 1) adopt a growth mindset, 2) want to improve a specific skill, 3) have an idea or plan on how to improve said skill, and 4) “…we must be in a low-stakes situation, because if mistakes are to be expected, then the consequence of making them must not be catastrophic, or even very significant. “ (https://www.ted.com/talks/eduardo_briceno_how_to_get_better_at_the_things_you_care_about) If we are able to keep the stress and stakes low for a good amount of the time, we can develop an environment that allows for nurturing a growth mindset. A good take-away from the two zones and how they interact to help us get better at what we care about is to think about it like washing your hair: wash-rinse-repeat. (Click here to watch the full TedTalk video.)

Brain Chemistry 

Ok so we have a good idea about growth mindset and how to continue getting better at what we care about. But what is actually happening with the brain? The key is in how our brain has been evolving from the purely animalistic, instinctive and reactionary wiring that focuses mostly on survival even if our nobel goal is to emphasize the positive and intentional things today. How the brain remembers negative experiences is often through the body producing cortisol during a stressful event. (That T-Rex ate Bob, it was scary, and I remember that! I also remember my friend Bob. He was a cool dude.) “The bad feeling of cortisol has its own survival purpose. It alerts you to an obstacle on the path to meeting your needs so you can navigate your way to good feelings. But once you do that, your brain finds the next obstacle. You will feel bad a lot if you follow your survival brain wherever it leads.” (https://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2016/12/21/how-to-train-your-brain-to-go-positive-instead-of-negative/#66ccd9005a58) Fast forward to 2020 and we have a brain that is tuned into looking out for obstacles, and has become very skilled in remembering negative experiences.

It probably takes about three times repeating most positive experiences to make as deep of an impression in the mind as one negative experience. This is based on practices for building self-esteem and self-confidence such as through pep talks like repeating positive sayings to yourself multiple times while looking in the mirror. Doing this will ingrain a pathway and memory in the mind based on positivity, effectively training your brain to look for the positives and not the negatives. A suggestion is to “…spend one minute looking for positives, three times a day for forty five days…Any positives, no matter how small, will build the pathway that seeks and expects positives.” (https://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2016/12/21/how-to-train-your-brain-to-go-positive-instead-of-negative/#66ccd9005a58) This will create a healthy habit, and promote the development of a healthy brain.

…And Heart Happenings

Having healthy and learning minds helps us cultivate strong emotional bonds with others and ourselves. It feels good to be successful in endeavors we care about. Previous blogs we have written talk a lot about how positive feelings are good for our us, such as Caring Through the Gift of Time and Volunteering for Health. We see this when we achieve a goal — we and those who support us often are smiling.  We feel the positivity. When a positive outlook is adopted a higher frequency of success is achieved. This in turn creates a positive circuit the feeds itself, and generates more connections during our learning time. An example of this is the saying ‘you’re on fire!’ when someone is just having successful achievement after successful achievement. The excitement is palpable and the momentum is fast.

From what we have been reading and blogging about, this is the ongoing goal of a growth mindset. Most of the time we are happy when we are learning and growing. And one thing is for certain: change is inevitable. This means that it is important to continue to get better at what we care about.

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